He never seemed that happy in the relationship, but everyone just assumed they would eventually get married.Now, after a long and difficult breakup, The New Lease On Life Guy has reemerged with a bang and is suddenly acting like he just got called down on The Price Is Right.The Misogynist doesn’t know a whole lot about the other gender, but he can tell you the exact number of them he’s slept with—214.He did quite well with girls back in his earlier days when many were in their attracted to assholes phase, but lately, only those with the lowest self-esteem seem to gravitate towards him.The Total Package is an athlete, a musician, and an avid traveler.The Total Package is handsome—and you better believe he’s well-groomed.Yes, the woman fit for The Total Package will be the ultimate icing on his cake of perfection.
Once his new situation starts to sink in, he enters an unfortunate new phase, stressing his male friends out by doing things like winking at them over the shoulder of a girl he’s dancing with and offering them a fist pound when an attractive girl walks by on the street. He’s in no rush to be in a relationship and feels totally confident that at some point, he’ll meet the right girl and get married.Realizing this about five years after everyone else, he takes a deep sigh and cranks his standards down a few big notches.On the other side of the coin, after losing some weight, getting decent clothes, and having early career success, The Guy Who’s Finally a Good Catch is getting more attention each week than he got in his first 25 years combined.And that’s just her public persona—at home, she’s fantastic in bed, a spectacular cook, loving, selfless, and devoted. He’s immersed in a fierce battle between his superhuman standards and his terror of being 40 and single—because 40 and single is not supposed to be part of The Total Package’s story.Oh and she also speaks French, plays tennis, sings beautifully, reads voraciously and she’s a history buff. As long as anyone can remember, The New Lease On Life Guy had been dating his longterm girlfriend.He appreciates all the unsolicited support, but he also thinks it would be pretty great if everyone stopped thinking there was something wrong with him.The opposite of the previous guy, The Aggressively Online Dating Guy Who Can’t Believe He’s Not Married Yet can’t believe he’s not married yet.Now it’s seven years later, his hair got bored and left, and his high school lacrosse glory isn’t part of the conversation that much these days.And he’s noticing that girls like his ex-girlfriend don’t seem to be all that into him anymore.It’s hard enough finding someone to be your life partner, and this guy’s parents are really not making things any easier.He tried to rebel briefly, but after his last girlfriend was not allowed in his parents’ house, causing her to cry, he gave up on that.