She needs to know she is loved—rich or poor—flaws and all.” As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I’ve seen this up close, and think that this is a genuine obstacle for women to overcome.I’ve written a lot about gender, money, and equality, and believe that the entire point of having money is that it gives you the freedom to marry for love rather than security. Male millionaires (smartly) don’t seek out female millionaires because, to them, it doesn’t matter what she makes.All that matters is how she makes him feel: appreciated, accepted, adored.Female millionaires – despite being equal to their male counterparts – have a huge block against dating a man with less money.To her – like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.Yet to 83% of divorced millionaire men, the risk IS worth it. Still, race can color dating experiences in minute and major ways.
His mother was a city social worker for more than fifty years and an attendance officer at Hunt Middle School, while her father is a computer software engineer. But Michael Haynes, a 31-year-old single father of three, says it isn’t any easier. Add the mass incarceration of the black male population and that 54 percent of black children live in a single-parent home, and you have some very specific concerns.“The ratio is a lot different for women to men, so of course there are more single women out there than single men,” said Tana Gilmore, a Joliet native and half of The Matchmaking Duo of Fisher and Gilmore Matchmaking, based in Charlotte, N. Gilmore says that many times when clients come to their agency, “they haven’t had a lot of healthy relationships around them to model themselves after.”Single parents are still trying to find their way through a dating world that may appear to have gotten easier with the advent of dating apps.My 67-year-old mom – who I recently visited with my family – has absolutely no desire to date, despite the profession of her son.She likes her friends, her card games, her home improvement projects, her grandkids, her dinner parties, her travel, etc. But, in a rare moment of candor, she confesses to me that she’s lonely, and I continue to wonder why she chooses solitude over partnership.Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them.Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.“It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif.Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money.They want to come into a relationship with baggage, but they don’t even want you to have a carry-on.”Divorced in 2015, Haynes believes the double standard stems from a fear of dealing with the children’s mother.“You can’t just stereotype a black male to have ‘baby mama drama’ just because he’s not with the mother of his kids.”Morenike’ Giwa, 29, a mother of two girls, said social media has changed the dating scene so that courting is no longer first and foremost.“I feel like it’s hard dating now,” said the Matteson resident.