Though not a scientifically vetted survey, it did reveal some startling anecdotal information about desire, pursuit, and expectations with regard to dating.Ansari and Klinenberg also created a “Modern Romantics” subreddit forum on Reddit, which itself turned into a massive online focus group, with participants from all corners of the globe joining the conversation.He writes that he thought he was looking for a small, dark-haired professional women a few years his junior. A tall, blonde who is slightly older than him, and works as a chef. The key, Modern Romance cautions, is not to spend endless time constructing a “perfect” profile or endlessly texting someone who seems like a good fit—or worse, playing the game—but actually meeting in person, since there’s no way to know if there’s chemistry without hanging out with someone.
Most, but not all, are straight and are looking for “The One.” Technology, not surprisingly, features prominently in these quests, since the average American presently spends approximately 8.5 hours a day in front of a screen.
You’ll learn more about the person as you go along, Ansari writes, and will make a better impression by choosing an activity that the other person might otherwise never have considered. “At certain times, the ‘I need the best’ mentality can be debilitating,” Ansari adds.
“The Internet has helped to produce the idea that there is a best thing and if we search hard enough, we can find it …
In addition, there’s the risk that what you say you want on a profile will not correspond to what you actually want on an emotional level.
Ansari uses himself as an example of this phenomenon.